Just when I think everything is going to pot; readership is down, my guitar player (ex-guitar player) turns out to be a douche bag and I don’t really feel that motivated to ‘get out there’. I get an email from a casting agent I came in contact with through Paula Abdul. Ya, you heard it, Paula, the lovely freaky space lady from the X Factor. I’m guessing she’s into Scientology and I gather she ain’t no X Factor judge no more. I had forgotten about her now defunct website toting the next generation in auditions and casting. In my quest for ‘anything at any cost’, I had signed up and even made it as the face of their Christmas e-card greeting last year. OMG, PLEEEEEEEEASE don’t tell anyone! I tell ya, I’m going places, even Paula saw it!
Anyway, I got this email from one of Paula’s associates last week, asking me to audition for The Kandi Factory on Bravo. The first season of the show (about making a nobody into a star) had had enough viewership to get it another season. So they needed more raw talent, ergo, me! I checked out the Youtube videos of the last season and was sufficiently aghast at the humiliation involved. This was something perfectly suited to the Misadventures of an Ageing Wannabe Rock Star. Never mind the fact that legal working papers to work in the US were a MUST, this was clearly an opportunity to get my readership back! So, I sent the Kandi Factory my American friend’s cell number and home number with a pre-registration form, trying to make it look like I was a USian. I really didn’t expect a call and never did tell my friend about my little caper, until I got a voicemail from my friend in this what-have-you-done-now tone. She doesn’t normally say my whole name on the phone, KATHRYN BERRY, like an angry parent. It’s usually, Kat or some other endearing name. Woops, apparently, Bravo had called both her numbers and she was stuck trying to lie about something she knew NOTHING about. She knew the call was for me right away, though. What does THAT say about me?
Ok, in the end, I fessed up about my lack of working papers to the Kandi crew. I’m a shitty liar (I have to work on that). They told me that if I did get my papers, I should call them back. Huh, like THAT is going to happen any time soon. I’m just thinking, why can’t the Kandi Factory vouch for me as an ‘extra-ordinary’ talent to get me an O1 visa?’ I know, that would be too simple, wouldn’t it? It clearly wouldn’t make this into a misadventure either. And what would be the fun in that?
So now, I think I need to get you all to ‘like’ the Kandi Factory on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/#!/kandifactory and demand my presence on the show. Tell them I sent you J